tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post4966482656458956798..comments2023-04-02T02:12:34.234-07:00Comments on Writing in a Red Dress: Where Will The Flowers Go?Trish Ileshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10843855934101044782noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-80145839391549102012011-10-20T13:11:04.760-07:002011-10-20T13:11:04.760-07:00I am a huge fan of attempting to understand who pe...I am a huge fan of attempting to understand who people are by what they put on the belt in the check-out line, so I love that you wrote this!<br /><br />I also like all your details.<br /><br />I wonder, would your character be more interesting if she wasn't made so obviously "safe" by the description of her eyes and smile? I suppose it depends on if the main character in the continuing story would be the narrator or the girl in the checkout line.<br /><br />Good stuff!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-38119231376158773582011-10-15T21:58:48.153-07:002011-10-15T21:58:48.153-07:00I love all of the contrasts and details. There'...I love all of the contrasts and details. There's so much to be said about people's grocery items, and smiles!Galit Breenhttp://theselittlewaves.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-13878441287107832292011-10-14T22:17:50.189-07:002011-10-14T22:17:50.189-07:00I like her as a character. The compelling, open sm...I like her as a character. The compelling, open smile amidst all the noise of her "uniform."<br /><br />The rosebud/angel wings v. the skull ink.<br /><br />I'd have been intimidated, too--until she smiled.Cameronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05407917830307384493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-57769985661848430762011-10-14T21:22:09.337-07:002011-10-14T21:22:09.337-07:00I liked that her brilliant smile demonstrated ther...I liked that her brilliant smile demonstrated there was more to her that what she wears on the outside. I also thought the ending might need a little tweaking. Angela's idea of flipping some of what you already have written would work. :>Karen @ Time Craftedhttp://www.timecrafted.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-11644481734490292632011-10-14T17:23:01.494-07:002011-10-14T17:23:01.494-07:00I think you did a great job with the description, ...I think you did a great job with the description, especially the contrast between the outer and the (possible) inner selves.<br /><br />I agree with Cheryl about the ending. Just a thought, but you might be able to play around with the second two paragraphs: flip them, so that the reader sees the tattoos, including the prison one, and ends with seeing her smile and smiling back. It might make the ending a little less abrupt.angela @ tiaras-and-truckshttp://tiaras-and-trucks.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-56385985428137981042011-10-14T15:24:28.215-07:002011-10-14T15:24:28.215-07:00I liked the descriptions, the contrast between wha...I liked the descriptions, the contrast between what she wore and her eyes/smile. <br /><br />I think it ended a little abruptly, tho.Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14025221975648580117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6080133291260142287.post-61302079288594396782011-10-14T15:14:32.109-07:002011-10-14T15:14:32.109-07:00I really like your description. I especially like ...I really like your description. I especially like the seeming contrast between this girl's appearance and her "brilliant white smile." I often find myself surprised by people and am constantly reminded that there is often so much more to them than we think.Karen M. Petersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06972093977468313631noreply@blogger.com