Friday, September 16, 2011

Orange Crush

Your assignment this week was to write a piece where you explore the first broken heart for your character – or for you.

Janna was picked for the cheerleading squad. She was only a freshman, but she'd been picked. Her heart pounded with joy and excitement as she put on her blue sweater and orange skirt, ready to cheer at her first football game. She held her pom-poms in front of her and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her red hair was pulled back in a smooth ponytail. Her mascara was perfect. That was all Mom would let her wear: mascara. It had to be perfect. It was all she had to work with.

The bus ride to the game took 90 minutes. The football players and cheerleaders rode together. Janna sat toward the back. Every once in a while, the star quarterback, Jeremy, would turn around in his seat and smile at her. It made her feel like she could take flight, that the hottest boy in school was smiling at her. At her. At HER!

Then he got up from his seat and started walking toward the back. Janna's breath came faster. He looked down at her, she scooted over, and QB Jeremy The Hottest Boy In School, a senior, sat down. The blood pumped through her head so quickly that she could barely hear him. I noticed you before. Now you're on the cheer team, we can see each other more. Do you have a boyfriend? Is that what he said? Was he talking to her? She tried not to show him the colossal crush that she'd been carrying around for him all year.

Janna thought if the bus rolled over in a fiery crash right that second, she'd die happy. She was sitting next to QB Jeremy The Hottest Boy In School and he was talking to her like he liked her. He was looking into her pale blue eyes and .... and.... looking!

He leaned toward her. Told her she smelled good. He slipped his arm around her. And then he kissed her. He stroked her thigh and, accidentally it seemed, brushed her breast when he put his hand up on her shoulder. Janna gasped with surprise and thrilling excitement. When he tried to really get a feel, she pulled his hand away but kissed him harder.

The bus turned the corner into the high school parking lot. QB Jeremy The Hottest Boy In School darted away and everyone filed off the bus. Janna waited, trying to compose herself. She was the last one off the bus.

A group of cheerleaders and football players stood off to one side and didn't look at Janna. The others stood together and were laughing. Janna caught Jeremy's eye and beamed a smile at him. They laughed harder. Some of them imitated her lovesick smile and they laughed some more.

Hot tears welled up in her pale blue eyes and her face flamed red as the realization hit her.

Always, feel free to comment! Trish in AZ


  1. I loved how you showed her heartbreak instead of saying so. Great piece.

  2. You left me wanting to read more. Great job.

  3. Oh man, that is so CRUEL! Poor kid.

    What an ass Mr Hottest Guy in School is.

    This was very well done.

  4. Ow!!!!! That hurt. You did a good job of leading me to this final horrifying moment. Oh, high school can be a bitch.

    What is about kids that make them be so cruel in a group. Separate them and they usually aren't, but put them together and they're like TNT strapped together, ready to explode as they did on Janna.

    You did an excellent job of pointing this out with your words. This story hurt, even though I am years and years away from high school. Well done.

  5. Oh man, you nailed this one.

    People? Really suck sometimes.

    {How's that for eloquent?!}


  6. Oh, no! I hate high school....hate it. It's such a cruel, cruel place. Poor Janna. Great job of evoking a lot of emotion from your reader. I wanted to kick Jeremy's tail!

  7. Oh, how awful for her, to be so excited and then have it all be a cruel joke.

    High school is a tough time :(

  8. Beautifully written. It certainly brought back the feelings.

  9. Oh no!! It never happened to me like that, but I can feel her pain... That sinking feeling I got at the end was all to authentic, as was the soaring in the middle! Good job :)

  10. Aww that's awful! But you wrote it so well!

  11. Ugh! Kids can be so cruel and you did a great job making me feel Janna's excitement, thrill, happiness and then embarrassment, shame and pain. Oh, and Jeremy? Jerk. Boys are stupid.